Feelings of grief and loss relating to Critical Illness

People who have experienced Critical Illness often encounter feelings of grief and loss. These feelings may relate to loss of independence or control, change of lifestyle and maybe even change in relationships in those around them. It must also be remembered that those who are close to those who have been ill may also be traumatised and may also experience these feelings.

Key points to grieving and loss:

• Each persons grief and loss is unique to them and is a journey which takes a different length of time for each person
• Grief and loss are processes and there is no right or wrong of doing them!
• Anger is a very natural and important part of grieve and may arise when least expected. In my case it was nearly 9 months after my illness and resulted in my making life hell for those around me for about 3 months – no one told me that it might happen – you now know!
• Other feelings may include loneliness, anxiety, depression, frustration, uncontrollable crying, helplessness, mood swings – and all of these are normal reactions
• Physically people may feel fatigued, weak, lacking in energy, stressed etc.
• People may also experience social withdrawal, sleep difficulties, loss of appetite and memory and mobility difficulties

How does one cope with these feelings of grief and loss?

There are many theories and thoughts in relation to this question – I have outlined below the things I feel would have helped me had I known.

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross (‘On Death and Dying’ – don’t let the title frighten you it’s just that the processes are the same) talks of the 5 stages to recovery:

1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

Although these stages are listed one to five that’s not to say that that is the order in which someone will experience them – they may manifest in any order.

It is also important to know that recovery and feelings of loss and grief may be happening at the same time. Someone may be fine one day down the next etc. Remember it is important if people have a sense of loss that they are given the time and space to work through and express this. This may be best done by those around them – friends and family or if the person prefers by someone completely outside of the picture i.e. counsellor. Encourage the person to talk if they want do – remember that you don’t have to fix them. Feelings like this cannot be fixed they need to be gone through and worked through and this may take some time. You just need to be there, available and be prepared to listen in a non-judgemental way. It is also important that outside things/events etc are also talked about – in a gentle way the person needs to be brought back to the present and readjust in whatever way may be necessary.

If you are supporting someone through grief or loss it is important that you yourself are supported – it can be hard work!!

Important people that can inform and support you with this process:

• Supportive GP
• Public Health Nurse
• Physiotherapist/ Occupational therapist if required
• Hospital Staff – talk to them on return visits
• Psychologist/Counsellor if neccessary

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